


awakening

by bonibaru



Category: Monstress (Comics)
Genre: Bad Dreams, F/F, Mild Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:32:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12832419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonibaru/pseuds/bonibaru
Summary: “I’ll be alright, Tu,” Maika said, squeezing her hand gently.“No,pobrecita.” Tuya’s bottom lip twitched, resignation fluttering briefly across her face. “You won’t.”





	awakening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Satchelfoot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satchelfoot/gifts).



_“You have to pay if you want to cross over.”_

_Maika frowned at her friend’s demand. “I have nothing.”_

_“Yes you do.” Tuya’s gaze was level and soft._

_“But the bridge,” Maika said, uncertainly, peering into the growing darkness. “It’s made of bones.” Their yellowing forms arced toward the sky. The air crackled around her; Maika smelled rain._

_Tuya shrugged. “It is what it needs to be.”_

_Maika shook her head, her fist clenched uselessly at her side. “I have nothing to pay with. Tuya, I need to get across. We’re wasting too much time.”_

_Tuya drew a lava stone pendant out from beneath her clothes. She reached around behind her neck and untied the leather cord, then beckoned Maika closer. As Maika stepped forward, Tuya upended the pendant over her head. Wispy grey tendrils of smoke spilled down across her hair, tingling as they sank into her scalp._

_“What are they?”_

_Tuya turned away. “Bad dreams.”_

_An invisible blow struck her midsection. Maika doubled over, retching. Something was moving inside her, squirming its way up through her chest. She choked and swallowed but it didn’t stop, fluttering up the back of her throat and into her mouth._

_Tuya turned back to her and grimaced; a smile yet nothing like a smile, showing rows and rows of sharp teeth. Too many teeth for a human mouth._

_“Open, Maika.”_

_Choking, Maika parted her lips and spit her own heart into her hand, blue-tinged and pulsing._

_“Payment.” Tuya extended her arm, fingers curving into sharp black talons. She plucked up Maika’s dripping, slippery heart and swallowed it whole._

Maika jerked awake, grabbing the pommel of her saddle to keep from falling backward. Nausea roiled in her stomach. Maika had learned a long time ago to ignore hunger pangs, but the dragging combination of hunger plus exhaustion and nerves always made her feel queasy. A week of little sleep, brought on by the preparations for her impending journey to the Cumaea stronghold, weighed heavily on her though she tried not to show it.

The sky ahead glowed faintly orange as the late afternoon sun continued its lazy descent toward nightfall. Tuya had already reached the hot spring where they would soak off the grime of the day’s ride before returning to camp; she waved to Maika as she dismounted and turned her horse out to graze beside Tuya’s. Maika slung her saddlebag over her shoulder and carefully picked her way over the rocks toward the spring. Tuya was a moving blur several meters ahead; steam rose from the heated water and curled out around them, thick in the cooling air of early evening.

Tuya was already pulling her tunic over her head when Maika finally caught up to her. “I can’t wait,” she sighed happily, rolling her bare shoulders and tilting her neck from side to side. “What a long day.”

Maika had shared communal space with others her entire life. From her mother’s expeditions when she was very young, to the slave camps of her later childhood and then as a refugee both during and after the Great War. Nudity was common among the Arcanics, some of whom had animal features that weren’t easily suited to clothing and others who had been disfigured in battle or during capture. Maika had never felt affected by the sight of anyone’s uncovered body. She was not generally concerned with her own, either; not like the ordinary humans who lived their lives covered to their necks, wrists and ankles and reacted with shock and shame at the sight of another’s skin. Maika had long ago stopped gasping at the sight of bare flesh.

So Maika didn’t quite understand why her heart fluttered at the sight of Tuya stepping out of her riding breeches. She turned away, strangely nervous as she methodically stripped off her own clothes. Maika and Tuya themselves had been naked together many times. They had lived and slept in shared quarters for years, starting with the slave camps where they had both been stripped and beaten for their insubordinations more than once. But something was different now. She didn’t want to look at Tuya, and yet she wanted very much to look at Tuya.

Maika quickly brought her thoughts back to how good it would feel soaking her muscles and rinsing off the sweat and dirt in the hot water. She detached her prosthetic arm and wrapped it in her tunic for protection. It would have to be oiled later anyway, but there was no need to actively invite it to warp or swell from all the dampness. When she turned Tuya was staring at her expectantly, having said something Maika didn’t quite catch.

Maika frowned. “What was that?”

“I asked if you have a brush or a comb.” Tuya’s fingers worked steadily to unwind her braided hair from around her head. Thick tendrils were springing loose around the sides of her face, frizzing from the steam.

“Oh.” Maika knew she had tucked one somewhere in her saddlebag. After briefly fumbling one-handed with the clasp, she fished out a comb. It was carved from the bone of an unknown creature, with evenly spaced teeth and a handle smoothed into a rounded tip; perfectly sized for a small hand like Tuya’s. Maika had found it at one of her mother’s ancient dig sites when she was just a child. It was one of the few things Moriko Halfwolf had ever let Maika keep - a found object of little intrinsic value that had sat tucked away for generations in a dark corner of a quiet tomb. Maika noticed that a couple of the teeth were partly broken off, probably from a combination of age and being jostled around in her pack. She felt strangely embarrassed to give something to Tuya that was so visibly damaged.

But Tuya seemed happy enough as she reached out to take it. “Oh, perfect. I would never be able to comb all this mess out with just my fingers. Thank you, Maika.”

Maika stared after Tuya as her friend turned and retreated toward the pool, pulling the comb through her hair. Tuya’s loosened hair fell in tousled waves down her back, her locks the color of charcoal, contrasting beautifully against her nut-brown skin. Maika felt a wave of affection followed by a sudden curl of heat in her belly. It was a strange, almost vulnerable feeling. Maika didn’t like it. Vulnerabilities only got people killed; where Maika would be going tomorrow, she couldn’t afford for even the tiniest crack to show.

Maika followed Tuya anyway and sighed as she slipped into the water, the warmth soothing her legs and aching shoulders. Maika sank down in the water up to her chin, her body settling itself against the warmed rock wall. Her hair spread out like a floating black cloud around her body. The brand on her chest itched a little; she ignored it. She closed her eyes and envisioned the padlock Tuya had acquired for her to practice opening. She pictured herself tapping into secret reserves of dark power, the unyielding metal giving way under a thought from her mind. _Open_. Such a simple word. _Open_. Yet all of their plans hinged so precariously upon it.

“Maika?”

Maika opened her eyes. Tuya knelt by the edge of the pool, her skin glistening in the last light of day with a faint sheen of condensation and sweat. She held the comb loosely between her fingers.

Tuya smiled. “Do you mind if I join you? I understand if … you want to be alone.” Tuya was used to Maika’s _moods_ , as her mother had called them. Times when Maika couldn’t bear to be around other people, when even the sound of their breathing was harsh in her ears and she wished she could crawl out of her own skin to get away. Tuya waited for Maika’s silent nod of acceptance before slipping into the water beside her with a sharp intake of breath. “Wow, it’s really warm today!”

Maika smiled a little. Not everyone welcomed the short shock of barely tolerable pain that came from moving out of the cool evening air into a heated spring, but Maika loved it. The pain made her more attentive to the outer surfaces of her body. Maika had spent a significant portion of her life sequestered within her own mind, first as an escape from misery, then later ruminating on the darkness sleeping inside her. Physical sensations kept her keenly aware of her own existence in the real world in ways that soft comfort never could. Pain was the best way she could pull herself out of her own thoughts when they tipped too far toward nightmares. Many a morning she had pinched herself awake, hard, to clear sleep from her mind and chase bad dreams away.

Unexpectedly, Tuya held the comb out to Maika. “Will you help me get the back? I can’t reach all of it. If it tangles when it’s wet I’ll never get it back up the right way.”

Maika took the comb and swallowed hard, suddenly faced with the delicate curve of Tuya’s neck as she turned away to grant Maika better access to her hair. Tuya was the epitome of what Maika thought royalty should be like: graceful, beautiful, diplomatic and kind. In another place, in another time, Tuya would certainly have been a queen and Maika her most loyal of subjects. Tuya would have ruled a peaceable kingdom, deciding fairly in matters of justice. Maika could have been her enforcer - dispensing the more permanent consequences of those decisions, swiftly and without qualm.

No - if Maika could have chosen a world where Tuya was a queen, Maika would not choose to still be so deadly. So dark. Would she? Maika frowned. The darkness made her powerful but it wasn’t the only path to survival. Enough pressure could sharpen anything, anyone, into a blade.

But Maika wasn’t able to choose, in this world or any other. Not for Tuya, nor for herself. Maika was who she was: selfish, hoarding her pain until she could reach those who deserved to have darkness thrust upon them. Maika could be nothing less, nothing more than what she had been made to be.

The thoughts distracted her enough that she didn’t notice the knot she had pushed down to the bottom of Tuya’s hair until the other girl flinched sharply. “Ow, ouch –“

Maika grimaced. “Sorry, that was my fault.”

As Tuya turned to look at her, wincing, Maika waved the comb around a little with her hand. “I’m not as good at catching the tangles as I used to be, before.”

 _Before Constantine._ The unspoken words hung between them.

Tuya paused only slightly, then smiled her most brilliant, glowing smile of reassurance. “I didn’t mean to jump. You caught me by surprise, is all.”

Maika handed the comb back to Tuya, who used the finely pointed handle to carefully loosen the knot and pull it apart with her fingers. She released the freed section of hair into the water and then returned the comb to Maika. Maika marveled at the softness of Tuya’s hair against the knuckles of her hand as she drew the bone-toothed comb through it again and again.

“There,” Maika said after a few more minutes. “You’re all done.” Her voice sounded awkwardly loud in her own ears. Sound always amplified near water, she told herself. That was all.

Tuya turned back to her with a pleased hum. “Thank you, Maika.” Tuya tipped her neck back so that the top of her head fell into the water, hair fanning out around her in the dimming light. Once it had been thoroughly wetted Tuya separated it into sections and began to braid it carefully. It would be curly in the morning after it dried. Maika loved Tuya’s hair when it curled like that. She loved so many things about Tuya.

Nearly all of Tuya’s skin was flushed from the heat of soaking in the hot spring. As the moon rose above them, reflecting off the surface of the water, it cast shadows on Tuya’s features that made her unfairly beautiful; almost unnaturally so. Need rose to the surface of Maika’s thoughts, something pulsating and strange. That unfamiliar flutter came back to her stomach again. Maika listened inside herself for a moment, slightly panicked, but what she felt didn’t seem like her darkness was waking again. Not like … no. She didn’t want to think about any of that. She pushed the strange feeling away as far as she could, until it was only an itch at the back of her mind. But she couldn’t make it go away completely no matter how hard she tried.

“Have you decided when you will leave tomorrow?” Tuya asked as she twisted the final pieces of hair together and tied them off.

“As early as possible.”

Tuya sighed, leaning back against the rocks. “You are certain I can’t talk you out of this?”

Maika only shook her head. They’d had this conversation many times already. Tuya was always going to try, and Maika was always going to refuse.

“You’ll be alone in that horrid place. Everyone who loves you is here,” Tuya complained. But that meant absolutely nothing to Maika, except for what it meant to Tuya.

“I’ve been in worse places. And you know I have to go alone. I can’t afford the extra worry of watching out for someone else in there.”

Tuya looked at Maika with a languid expression, an almost luxurious ease. “And who will watch out for us back here, with you gone?”

Maika snorted and splashed her. “You’re perfectly capable of watching out for yourselves, out here in the mouse-infested grasslands. Nothing but wandering cats to worry about.”

Tuya laughed, but it was a short sound that abruptly ended as she looked away from Maika again. Tuya leaned her head back against the rock and closed her eyes. Her skin shimmered under the light of the setting sun. Her hands floated atop the water, skimming the surface and leaving ripples in the wake of her fingertips. She looked so young; Maika would never feel young again.

Maika couldn’t stop herself; she reached out to touch the back of Tuya’s hand.

Tuya should have startled, Maika thought. It should have been as unexpected for Tuya to receive the touch as it had been for Maika to offer. But Tuya did not flinch at all.

Instead, Tuya turned her hand over in Maika’s so their palms were touching. Their fingers closed together as Tuya held Maika’s hand steady in the water. Maika could feel Tuya’s pulse fluttering strong, rhythmic, under her soft skin. Tuya opened her eyes and looked at the sky for a moment, quiet and contemplative. Then she drew a soft breath and turned to look at Maika, her gaze level, patient. Waiting.

Maika moved forward, slowly, pulled in by Tuya’s expression just as if she had been drawn along by their touching hands. Tuya rose to meet her, pushing away from the rocky wall and reaching out her free hand to touch Maika’s cheek. Tuya pressed their foreheads together, as they had done ever since they were slaves in Lady Yvette’s camps. The warmth of her friend’s affection wrapped around Maika with a comfortable familiarity, thrumming through her body from every point of skin to skin contact. It curled like a kitten against the back of her neck. Maika suddenly didn’t want to think forward to the days ahead.

“I’ll be alright, Tu,” Maika said, squeezing her hand gently.

“No, _pobrecita_.” Tuya’s bottom lip twitched, resignation fluttering briefly across her face. “You won’t.”

Tuya let go of Maika’s hand and cupped the other side of her face. She brushed a feather-soft kiss across Maika’s lips, then dipped her head to kiss Maika’s jawline, her tongue darting out to press against the skin of Maika’s throat.

Maika closed her eyes and shivered. Her leg twitched against the rock wall as Tuya’s hands moved under the surface of the water, over her heated skin. It was impossible that Tuya’s hands should feel hotter than the spring water, yet somehow her touch blazed everywhere it trailed over Maika’s flesh. Maika felt unbalanced, like she was falling backward into the water; she clutched at Tuya’s shoulder. Tuya’s breath was warm against her neck, hands pressing, fingers seeking.

 _Open,_ Tuya’s voice whispered over her overheating skin. _Open, Maika._

Maika’s eyes snapped open; something uncomfortable squirmed in her chest.

When Maika pulled away, Tuya let her go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to anonymous parties for the beta read.


End file.
